What’s it gonna be
Cuz I can’t pretend
Don’t you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don’t let go
Don’t let go
Have the right to loose control
Don’t let go

- En Vogue

Been a looooooong two days. Absolutely exhausted. Need sleep. Goodbye.

Self-confessed bitchdom.

I DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN THINGS DON’T GO ACCORDING TO PLAN.

LOATHE IT.

DESPISE IT.

FUCKING HATE IT.

I realize that I’m a total fucking bitch, but at this moment, I can’t bring myself to care.

Busybeee.

My notion of the June holidays being a time to relax and unwind is being thoroughly crushed.

Having slacked away the first few days of the holiday, things are quickly picking up the pace. My once empty, filled only with days of tentative study dates cum catch-up sessions and self-reflective lazy days June holiday, is fast morphing into a crammed-up no-time-for-anything busy-person calender. Noooo.

It just hit me how much rubbish there is to deal with this holiday. Dance camp, DSAs, lessons, cheer pracs, HONGKONG!, catching up with friends, and how could I possibly forget? STUDYING. Conveniently enough, I haven’t even touched a single assessment book or TYS or even textbook in the past 6 days since the holidays started. Yay me.

Next week is gonna be crazy packed with hardcore cheer pracs. I just realized that we’re only a month away from sports day and we are faaaaaaaaaar from ready. Gahhh. But hardcore cheer pracs mean less time for girl-time and duh, even less for studying. Os are like in. A few months. I am a dead donkey.

BUSYBUSYBUSYYYY.

FML.

I’m hoping that there are many, many kind souls out there because yes, today is a fuckydisgustinghorribledickish day because I FUCKING LOST MY WALLET.

Inclusive of my ezlink, atm card, and IC. Did you know it fucking costs a $100 bucks to replace the goddamn IC? Fugshit this is such bullshit. And the stupid form makes it sound like a goddamn criminal offense to lose it or something. Fug you government shitbags as though I don’t already feel crappy enough for losing my precious wallet. Now you have to make me sound/feel like some tossbag criminal?! Screw you.

I want my wallet back I want it back I want it back. Bitchfaced the whole world just now. Everyone on the damn train was giving me a wide wide berth while I cursed the world and fat annoying people in fugly crocs and the bloody person who could’ve possibly stolen my darling Burberry. Sorry if I’m fugging bitter and bitchy and cynical right now but I can’t help it. MY BABY IS GONE YOU FUCKTARDS.

How many people would return a lost wallet? It better be helluva a lot of people or I will be beyond raging.

FUGGGG.

IT’S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TODAYYY.

Or maybe yesterday, since it’s already 14 minutes past 12 ahhaha! Whoopsiedaisies.

I’m feeling strangely whimsical now! Seriously I have no idea why. I know I’m supposed to be like sleeping or whatever. Or at least doing something more productive than sitting in front my the computer, eg: sitting with a textbook in front of me since that’s what everyone seems to be preoccupied with these days, but nooooo, my brain functions on a whole different wavelength from normal people.

Hahahha ooh waves! Yet another shitty physics topic I totally don’t understand.

Wheeee so excited for tomorrow! I mean, later today. Apart from having to wake up at the ungodly hour of like, 8 or something to get to school by 9 for AFTERNOON Agogo (emphasis the AFTERNOON, so why the pingpongs do I have to report at 9?!), it’s gonna be great! 313 with the dance babes after that yayy. Happiness!

I’m darn psyched for the June hols, I really am. HONGKONG TRIP OMG! Gonna meet up with JELLYBEAN CUPCAKE aka Hongyee to go to OCEAN PARK ohmahgawdzxzxz. FREAKING PSYCHEDDDD. And Tessiepoo’s gonna be there too! SHOPPING FTW. I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT FOR 13 JUNE TO COMEEEE.

I know I’m supposed to be like, dreading all the studying that we have to do over the June hols but I somehow just can’t bring myself to be brought down by that awfully depressing thought. It just hasn’t sunk in that the June hols aren’t supposed to be a break for us miserable sec fours, but more like a month’s worth of hardcore self-studying.

I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS, I REALLY DO.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADES OUT OF ‘EM.

Lemons = studying. Lemonades = PLAYPLAYPLAY. (Y)

This morning, I woke up, brushed my teeth, got ready, and reached for my dance bag. A few seconds later I put it back down again. Why? Because I realized belatedly and a little dumbly that from this day on, I wouldn’t have to reach for that dance bag ever again. I wouldn’t have to stay back till 6.30 every Tuesday and Thursday. I wouldn’t have to complain about killer muscle aches or annoyingly hard-to pull-on leotards.

I wouldn’t have dance.

Well, not in a literal sense, no. I guess I’d still have dance when I go to JC and join dance there, and I guess I’d still have dance later in life when I’m at some club or whatever. But I wouldn’t have dance, in the sense that I wouldn’t ever have SN Dance as a part of my life ever again. It’s scary to think that after 4 years of trudging to the hall for CCA after a long day of lessons, it suddenly all disappears just like that. Until now, I never truly appreciated or comprehended how great a part of my life dance is. Now that it’s not mandatory for us, it’s gonna leave a huge gaping dance-shaped hole in my life. It only hit me today, that from now on, there’s going to be this big empty space on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons where dance once used to be, a constant reminder of what used to be routine and reassuring in my life.

I’m going to miss is so much. The warm ups, however tedious and seemingly useless. The thousands of tituis, however tiring and torturous. The tiaos, which were actually my favourite part of every dance session. The dancing itself, while sometimes excruciatingly exhausting, yet immensely satisfying at the same time. And of course my dancers, all of whom I’m going to miss madly.

Honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready to move on and abandon this aspect of my life just yet. Don’t wanna ditch my dancing shoes in favour of textbooks. I really don’t want to.

Somebody please turn back the clock. I don’t wanna leave just yet ):

JUBILATE.

JUBILATE TOMORROW.

NEED I SAY MORE?